July 23, 2010

Assalamulaikum wbt pretty people!

Alhamdulillah, thank god its friday *somersault* I am still in my bedroom on my messy bed. Yeaaa the neverending disordelies *sigh*. Well in fact, i am not always in disorder LOL i hope. There are a few teeny weeny times where i can be, oh no, where i am in order and organized haha. For today, i am at home *smile*, no classes, no clinics, no supervisions, no meetings, no workshops, no courses, no "yaya, come and see me at yadda yadda yadda" and so no worries!!

Anyway, this entry will just be another crappy lengthy entry by moi, though i hope it wont get too lengthy, or else ima miss my lunch date with a friend *biting nails*.

I was talking to a friend yesterday (yes while supervising the students!), the topic was strikingly interesting!! haha.. Anyhow, from one "Really? does it work?" to another "Really? sakit tak?", we ended up discussing on marriage and divorce... yeaa how did we get there huh?! My friend spilled the truths after her sentence "Yaya, i need your opinion. You've been through this before". You know, when someone says something like that to me (and believe me girls this is not my first time), i always get a rush of blood to my head, leaving my extremities cold! She poured her heart out and told every single thing that she thought would have led her marriage to the sad event! And all i could say after hearing her was "Why do you think its your fault?" and "He's so cunning that he could turn the table around and make you think and believe that it is you who ruined your marriage and causing this divorce!".

Moving on. My almost crying friend said "how did you face it? what made you so strong? because i cry every single night". And the story on how brave and brilliant i got waay back when it was my unfortunate event took place begins! LOL I think i wrote it here somewhere in my blog, no? Anyway, the answer is Khalish :) I havent shed a single tear since that incident (not on the separation), no kidding! I had no regrets, what more now!! The only few times i cried was when i apologized to my son (while he was sound asleep), my apologies were always (more or less) "Mommy is so sorry Khalish, now you dont have a father close to you, but i promise i will try my best to make you feel as though you have both if not more". It always hit me, because of our (mine and his) decisions, which we both are happy and thankful for, he Khalish is the one who are hurt the most. Maybe not then, not now but later (which i hope not).

i am so sorry sayang

During ze time (when i got single again), i received so many supports throughout my ordeals be it emails, phone calls, text messages and visits from families, friends and yet friends of friends; even a dear friend from Dublin called! Alhamdulillah. Thank you.

Sambung cerita. My friend said to me "but you are so lucky, you found Tahir, you are so happy now". Well, all i can say is

Fainna ma'al 'usri yusra (with every hardship, there is relief)

I always get excited when the subject discussed is how on earth i met Tahir LOL. I did a whole entry on that kan? Yup! Yeaa so you can go and read that entry lah if you havent or feel like refreshing your memory LOL.

Love comes when you least expect it, and trust me honeh, i didnt expect it at all!! Up till today, our marriage is still a tiny lil baby, only 7months and 11days; there will be many many hurdles and impediments we oughta face; and i pray to Allah swt that we would still be holding hands then, insyaAllah.

If there is one thing i've learnt from my past, its marriage is a work in progress. It begins on the wedding day and continues to grow and change for the rest of our lives. And if you ask me, a long and happy marriage is a continuous work in progress! Your world changes once you get married! Yes it does sweetheart. You gotta absorb the idea that there is no more I, there is US! But it doesnt mean that youre gonna have to change your oneness! That would be lame, dont you think? You could be 2 equal halves of the union but you still remain you with your own crazy needs and emotions. My mom said to me "If you want a happy marriage, you have to cooperate. You have to give in order to receive".

Now i know that the thing about couples with different wants is that sooner or later they are going to collide. Whether you like it or not honeh, youre gonna have a feud and how you handle that feud determines the future of your togetherness. You could try to ignore problems, pretend they dont exist, but that doesnt help you get rid of 'em. The more time you take to solve a problem, the more it rots your marriage. And thats why they say, never sleep on an argument!

One of the thing we(Tahir and i) promised to always do is communicate. No matter how difficult or sore we are, communicate! You know, at the start of your relationship you shared your hopes&dreams with each other *cloud9*, no matter how ridiculous they are! But just because you are married, doesnt mean that you have to stop doing so. If you aint gonna talk to him/her, he/she will go and talk to someone else, now do you want that??!

Another thing we promised to always do or try to do is going on dates! LOL Sounds cheesy huh, but who cares??! We went on dates before we got married, we had such great time s (even though there is always Khalish), so why stop? You are never too old for dates, naaah!! We are so busy with work, chores and yadda yadda yadda, we barely have time to go out, but a promise is a promise! Curling up together in front of the tv late at night is considered a date! LOL Quality time together is so so vital, with no distractions, just the two of us; but sometimes if we turned on the tv too high or we laughed too hard, we would literally wake Khalish up and he would then join our date!

My marriage and your marriage is and will be a never ending work in progress which is tiring kan(?) but I think its worth it. Treat your partner the way you want 'em to treat you - love and respect, tell 'em that you love 'em (now thats easy huh), accept their flaws simply because they have to accept yours (now thats tough!!). Oh and you know what is another important thing which i hate but learned to digest? Aplogise!! LOL This is another great advice from my mom "If you make a mistake or hurt his feelings then apologise".

Whoaa panjang daah!! So i better stop.. babai *hugs*


che'puan Idot said...

touch my heart, so deep that made me cry.
no one wants the D****** word.
but if it's destined that way, who are we to go against..
chin up gal, u r have such a strong heart and endless support surround u.

Anonymous said...

nicely written.. so pure and come from deep inside ur heart.. keep the lights up and InsyaAllah.. semua akan dipermudahkan oleh Allah.. amin..

yaya othman said...

Tenkiu :) today is definitely one of those days where i get hopelessly romantic! *wink*

:: LadyVerde + Mr.Doc :: said...

i strongly agree on the communication thingy...and to add loyalty n trust :)

not to forget, sometimes u need to give ur partner some space for him to breath...not too much tho hahahhaa...just enough to make each other missing like crazy :D

& one more...dont expect and force ur partner to change according to what u like, what u want him / her to be...let him / her change coz they wants it too ;)

i know its easy to list the marriage principals...to obey n practice, those are challenging

yanie said...

we r in the same boat babe ;) every day is a new day...just cherish n enjoy every moment with him n d lil one :)) May Allah Blessed Us

Cleo the Cat said...

i loved this yaya! and you're right. its always a work in progress. No matter how long you have been married.:-) I am back!!!!

Cleo the Cat said...

i loved this yaya! and you're right. its always a work in progress. No matter how long you have been married.:-) I am back!!!!

yaya othman said...

i second that Verde :)

Yes Yanie, because our first time around didnt work out, arent we so tankful we've given the sec chance? Alhamdulillah :)

TP!!! TQ!! I bet if u speak on this, your piece would be a billion times better than mine! *hugs*

Pinkwatch said...

now that's all true.. and what verde said is also true.. it's a never ending of hard work... but at the end, if our niat is true... it will all worth it...

wedding can be a fairy tale, but a marriage?? :P

aidie said...

i have to agree..when u r married, please dont stop the dating game :) it will somehow, remind on how much u r meant for each other.

fazila said...

I love this post!
Marriage is a never-ending "work"
Well-written doc!

yaya othman said...

Thank you!!!

Superwomanwannabe said...

hi! My first time! I agree with you...communicate.....!!!!

Love your blogZ!!