“Don't let him break my heart," the young woman prayed to God. She is like countless young women and men who have wanted the guys or girls of their dreams. After all, the passion for companionship, romance and, ultimately, a happy relationship that never ends lives in virtually every young man or woman's heart. Certainly for me!
But today many are so fearful and even cynical about the prospect of finding their "one true love" that they believe that finding a lifelong mate is a lost cause, an impossible dream, no more real than the Disney animation of Sleeping Beauty. It may happen to some people. But it won't to them, they are convinced. I sure don't want my children to think that way. The reality that there are great lifelong marriages proves that it is possible to have such a relationship.
Even young people who believe in love sometimes fear they will have a relationship that will break up instead of lasting "till death do us part." Some are so fearful at the prospect and possibility of disappointment, they never open up enough emotionally or intellectually to allow potential mates to get close enough for genuine love to develop. How unfortunate because if you know what to do and to look for, you can increase the likelihood of having a lasting marriage.
Certain principles can help you understand if a particular person is "the right one." You can be secure in the process. You can be growing, outgoing and confident because you understand what you are looking for and know how to tell when you find the one for you. Here are some ways you can know when you have found "the right one."
Realize the spiritual
Relationships are spiritual in nature. Those who build positive spiritual qualities into their relationships are more likely to find their right mate. These attitudes are all spiritual characteristics flowing from the heart. So commit yourself to building positive spiritual attitudes and qualities of the heart. Attitudes are the first building blocks of all relationships, and can either draw or repel others—whether upbeat, positive, warm, friendly and outgoing or deadbeat, negative, cool, aloof and inwardly selfish. Positive attitudes become your strength as you develop as a person and the magnet that will draw "the right one" toward you. When a man and woman with the right outgoing attitudes are drawn together by common values and purposes, with the special "spark" of attraction, they begin to think about commitment. And you know what happens then. Bingo.
But this is much more than a game of chance. It brings up the necessity for you to have positive faith. You must believe that you will be rewarded in a relationship if you grow in the positive attitudes that bind people together. So finding "the right one" must be understood as first and foremost a spiritual process.
Finding the right mate for life is not a matter of luck nor is it a matter of selfishness. It comes because you have prepared yourself to be the right one for somebody else.This means that you are ready because you have taken the right course, lived an action plan and are capable of making right decisions and following through on them. In other words, you have character. Think about it. If you want the best person for you, isn't it only fair that you need to be the best person for somebody else?
You might ask, "But how can I know what to prepare for when I don't even know who the other person is?" The answer is simple. You have to get yourself ready by becoming the kind of person you would like to marry. After all, the greatest law in human relations is "In everything do to others as you would have them do to you".
You want to marry a person ready, willing and able to fulfill all your hopes and dreams in life and make you very happy.
So be that way yourself. Have high goals and live them now. Know how to make plans and fulfill them. Develop an outgoing, giving personality that does good to others.
Develop a career so you are a provider and a capable worker. Working hard is important as a personal character trait because a great relationship with the right person for you will be a matter of two great workers working together to build a great life.
Be a person of balance. Be diligent, flexible, financially independent, serving and positive and treat life as an adventure in progress, learning lessons along the way for the ultimate purpose.
Mature people live in reality. They know the difference between what is right and what is wrong, what is real and what is fake, and what it takes to really be "the right one" for you. Maturity takes time. Immature people can be relatively older or comparatively younger, so age is not the only factor in maturity when it comes to finding "the right one." Age, however, is still an important factor.
Those who marry in their teen years get divorced at much higher rates than people who marry later. One reason for this is that most teens have not yet fully developed their personalities and in today's society are generally not prepared for lifelong commitments to marriage. Developmentally, we now know that young men's final spurt for development of the frontal lobes of the brain does not start until about 17 and is not completed until about age 25. This area of the brain is the most important for the development of values, long-term planning and decision making. This doesn't mean that a young man can't make good decisions, have strong moral values or make long-term plans before he's 17. He can, and some do. But the point is that this final spurt of brain development is important for the ability of a young man to create and sustain this most important relationship.
Relating to the right one
When you have reached a level of maturity, the right person for you is one who relates to you in a special way—perhaps like no one else you have ever met. What develops with the right one is a fantastic friendship.
It is not based on a fanatical lust. Relating properly to the right person is not portrayed in pop culture's displays of romance or Hollywood's model of marriage. Pop culture's version of the mating game has created a very bad model of love. She may be a bombshell and he may be a hunk, but mutual lust for great bodies and faces will not sustain a relationship.
Look at Hollywood for the past 80 years. It seems that most of the world's most beautiful people are incapable of sustaining marriages. Many of these people seem to think that fulfillment lies in finding another beautiful or handsome face and body to bolster their egos. A true relationship that develops with the right person is based on compatibility in character, heart and personality, not superficial looks. Compatibility may seem magical and mysterious, but underneath its comfort and excitement are the fundamentals of each of your backgrounds, experiences and personalities that make you "click." He or she becomes your special friend, a friend with whom you have the most satisfying fun. Your friendship is uplifting and makes you feel stronger, supported and fulfilled in a way that is new and complete.
But most of all you learn to care about the welfare, the future and the happiness of this special friend. You really care about what this person feels. You appreciate her or him so much that you spend time listening, expressing your deep thoughts and sharing your inner self. You want to protect and never to hurt. Over time, he or she becomes your best friend. But there is an added something beyond great friendship.
A book i read reads you can't really put into words the almost magical energy between a man and woman who are being drawn into lifelong love. "Too wonderful for me" to explain, it says, is "the way of a man with a woman" . You will want to marry this best friend whom you really care about. You will want to enhance, to make life better for and, above all, be loyal to this person. He or she is that person you will never want to betray in any way because you think so highly of him or her.
In this friendship you become aware that if you marry this person, you will have a great companion because you know his or her character, dreams, principles and heart. You also trust that it will take you to exciting places and adventures together. For good reasons, you sense you will be safe and secure forever with this person even though the exact details of the future are uncertain.
Recognizing the blessing
Ultimately, marriage is a divine blessing and a gift from God. He is the one who said, "It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper as his partner". As you are drawn to this great relationship with the right one for you, you become aware that God is revealing His will to you.
She is the one. He is the one. Your hopes, dreams and prayers are answered because you have walked down a godly path, a process designed to make you one. You, together, are the right ones.
Some of you have found, and some will !!! so will i ;D insyaAllah